'tis friday, and i love the thought of that. only 19 more minutes of work, and then it's on to a weekend of hibernation. woot.
it's been a weird week... my sugar has been pretty low for the most part-- although i don't think i went low at all yesterday, i was on the low end of things for most of the day, and the rest of the week was pretty rough. it could be for several different reasons: the fact that i am finally getting back into a routine after weeks of vacation and visitors, the fact that i have my period, or the fact that diabetes is a #$%^ed up disease that doesn't let you sit back and relax ever.
but on to brighter thoughts: to follow up on my bubble drama from earlier in the week, my trickery worked! i was able to successfully rid my pump of a bubble in the middle of a bolus! success! the only problem is that now i have another bubble in my pump and so i have to do it all over again. bust, i hate that.
but then i remind myself that it's friday and there will be no work and lots of sleep for the next couple days. and maybe even a chocolate bar for dessert.
***
(*** denotes the passage of time.)
well, i just sucked it up and got the bubble out of my tubing. let's hope it works again!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
too cool for school?
quick diabetes newsflash:
found a huge bubble in my pump tubing. decided that instead of fretting about how it would affect my next bolus, i would try and figure out a way to get it out of there instead. so i did a little research and found out that if i kept an eye on the bubble, when it approached the end of the tubing line, i could manually bolus it out of there. so when it came time for my lunch bolus, i dialed up 3.7 units to cover lunch. but then-- oh the horror-- i realized that the bubble would come through before the 3.7 units were delivered. so i waited and watched and when the bubble came close, i took note of how many units it had already delivered (2.4) and suspended my pump. then i disconnected, restarted my pump, and did a manual bolus to get that bubble out. then i tapped off the excess insulin, reconnected, and continued the rest of my bolus (1.3).
i am now left awaiting my post-lunch reading, wondering whether i got too fancy or if this crazy plan will actually work.
stay tuned.
found a huge bubble in my pump tubing. decided that instead of fretting about how it would affect my next bolus, i would try and figure out a way to get it out of there instead. so i did a little research and found out that if i kept an eye on the bubble, when it approached the end of the tubing line, i could manually bolus it out of there. so when it came time for my lunch bolus, i dialed up 3.7 units to cover lunch. but then-- oh the horror-- i realized that the bubble would come through before the 3.7 units were delivered. so i waited and watched and when the bubble came close, i took note of how many units it had already delivered (2.4) and suspended my pump. then i disconnected, restarted my pump, and did a manual bolus to get that bubble out. then i tapped off the excess insulin, reconnected, and continued the rest of my bolus (1.3).
i am now left awaiting my post-lunch reading, wondering whether i got too fancy or if this crazy plan will actually work.
stay tuned.
life in the fast lane.
it's been another crazy couple of days: eric's little sister sarah came up to visit us and brought a friend with her. then some of eric's friends came to stay for a few days, too, so we had a really full house. and not the healthiest of agendas, either: pub crawl on saturday plus dinner out, doughnuts and lunch out again on monday, dinner out on tuesday. my sugar's been hanging in for the most part, but it's still hard to handle the lack of routine.
hopefully today will begin the transition back to normality. although today also marks the beginning of lent, which i am having a really hard time with. i am not sure if it's me being a lazy or ambivalent catholic, or me being an angry and distruntled catholic, but i just have no motivation to do the lenten sacrifice this year. normally, i'm pretty good: i go to church on ash wednesday, refrain from meat on the prescribed days, and also give something up. but this year, i just feel empty about it all... more guilt is not an appealing thought. is it bad to think that this condition of diabetes has forced me to give up a lot of things for a lot longer than 40 days? i don't say that to be morose. i think that anyone who has diabetes would agree that even if you have the most optimistic outlook around, the disease (if you try to have good control over it) still forces you to give things up. sometimes some of your favorite things. and the guilt that surrounds this idea of sacrifice is a major factor, too. i know that i am probably a more guilt-ridden person than some, but guilt and diabetes go hand in hand... you test yourself several times a day to gauge how the decisions that you make affect your body. of course, everyone makes decisions that affect their body, but i think that having at least 10 blood sugar test results per day makes these decisions harder to ignore. if the test results aren't "good," which of course they won't be a significant percentage of the time, it prompts the finger-pointing questions and thoughts of, "why did you eat that?" and "don't you have any self-control?" and "you did that wrong!" and "you're greedy/ stupid/ fat/ insert any unflattering adjective that you find appropriate!"
and so, i think i am set with giving things up this year. and i am pretty sure i'm covered on the guilt front as well. and although i have made the decision not to formally practice lent this year, i am still going to try and make some life changes for the positive, like watching what i say to the people i love, and trying to do things in moderation.
see, i'm not the devil after all, despite the fact that i won't be attending church today.
hopefully today will begin the transition back to normality. although today also marks the beginning of lent, which i am having a really hard time with. i am not sure if it's me being a lazy or ambivalent catholic, or me being an angry and distruntled catholic, but i just have no motivation to do the lenten sacrifice this year. normally, i'm pretty good: i go to church on ash wednesday, refrain from meat on the prescribed days, and also give something up. but this year, i just feel empty about it all... more guilt is not an appealing thought. is it bad to think that this condition of diabetes has forced me to give up a lot of things for a lot longer than 40 days? i don't say that to be morose. i think that anyone who has diabetes would agree that even if you have the most optimistic outlook around, the disease (if you try to have good control over it) still forces you to give things up. sometimes some of your favorite things. and the guilt that surrounds this idea of sacrifice is a major factor, too. i know that i am probably a more guilt-ridden person than some, but guilt and diabetes go hand in hand... you test yourself several times a day to gauge how the decisions that you make affect your body. of course, everyone makes decisions that affect their body, but i think that having at least 10 blood sugar test results per day makes these decisions harder to ignore. if the test results aren't "good," which of course they won't be a significant percentage of the time, it prompts the finger-pointing questions and thoughts of, "why did you eat that?" and "don't you have any self-control?" and "you did that wrong!" and "you're greedy/ stupid/ fat/ insert any unflattering adjective that you find appropriate!"
and so, i think i am set with giving things up this year. and i am pretty sure i'm covered on the guilt front as well. and although i have made the decision not to formally practice lent this year, i am still going to try and make some life changes for the positive, like watching what i say to the people i love, and trying to do things in moderation.
see, i'm not the devil after all, despite the fact that i won't be attending church today.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
pizza party.
i don't like to go out for valentine's day. all those tables of two overwhelm me. plus, it's expensive. now, if there's one thing i will spend some coin on, it's food, but i don't like the limited choices and the harried feelings that accompany this holiday. and so, eric and i stayed home for the second year in a row. and had pizza for the second year in a row.
why pizza? aside from glazed/boston kreme/chocolate donuts, pizza is my favorite food. unfortunately, it's also my greatest foe. i just cannot seem to master the nuances of having a good blood sugar after eating it. when i first started trying to figure out the dual wave bolus on my pump, i actually was able to eat pizza twice with good fasting blood sugars the following morning, but since that time, i have eaten pizza twice, both times with the disastrous consequences i know and love.
last night was no different. eric made homemade pizza crust, and topped it with arugula, prosciutto, sliced tomato, and mozzarella cheese. it was fantastic! however, the dough expanded more than we had both anticipated, so i accidentally bolused for way more pizza than i could actually eat! but since i already had the insulin in my system, i had to overeat. whoops! i paid for it dearly this morning with a fasting blood sugar of 371! eeeeek!
but i learned some lessons:
1. look before you bolus. this happens to me a lot. i bolus about 20 or so minutes before eating, and then when i sit down at the table, i realize that my eyes were way bigger than my stomach. does bolusing so far ahead of a meal really outweigh the benefit of being able to accurately gauge what you want to eat? i think not-- i may start bolusing right before i eat, which i think will help with moderation and a little weight loss.
2. moderation is the key to pizza successs. when i look back on my two good pizza experiences, they were good because i had two pieces of pizza or less. my disasters have always occurred when i've eaten way more than that. plus, i feel incredibly ill when i gorge myself. so maybe two pieces of pizza is my ceiling. and if i can master this moderate amount, maybe i can eat it more often!
3. now that i mention is, moderation is the key to all success. with weight loss in mind, i am going to reduce my carb intake at breakfast and dinner. lunch is okay for the most part, i think. but i need to be more frugal with my carbs! i have not been feeling so great about my weight recently, so i am going to take a proactive stance instead of torturing myself about it.
4. 371, so what? i haven't had a blood sugar over 300 in a long time... i really cannot even remember the last time. so really i am not too upset. i actually ended up correcting it and going low, so it just goes to show that blood sugar is a very volatile thing.
5. posting that fortune cookie picture yesterday did not produce the desired effect. i am prone to jinxing myself, just like i did on vacation, when i started crowing about how great my blood sugars have been. maybe it's my catholic guilt, maybe it's superstition, whatever-- i'll rest better if i stop doing that #$%^.
that's a lot of learning. but i think it's all practical and useful, except maybe for #5. i guess the pizza served its purpose.
well done, pizza pie.
why pizza? aside from glazed/boston kreme/chocolate donuts, pizza is my favorite food. unfortunately, it's also my greatest foe. i just cannot seem to master the nuances of having a good blood sugar after eating it. when i first started trying to figure out the dual wave bolus on my pump, i actually was able to eat pizza twice with good fasting blood sugars the following morning, but since that time, i have eaten pizza twice, both times with the disastrous consequences i know and love.
last night was no different. eric made homemade pizza crust, and topped it with arugula, prosciutto, sliced tomato, and mozzarella cheese. it was fantastic! however, the dough expanded more than we had both anticipated, so i accidentally bolused for way more pizza than i could actually eat! but since i already had the insulin in my system, i had to overeat. whoops! i paid for it dearly this morning with a fasting blood sugar of 371! eeeeek!
but i learned some lessons:
1. look before you bolus. this happens to me a lot. i bolus about 20 or so minutes before eating, and then when i sit down at the table, i realize that my eyes were way bigger than my stomach. does bolusing so far ahead of a meal really outweigh the benefit of being able to accurately gauge what you want to eat? i think not-- i may start bolusing right before i eat, which i think will help with moderation and a little weight loss.
2. moderation is the key to pizza successs. when i look back on my two good pizza experiences, they were good because i had two pieces of pizza or less. my disasters have always occurred when i've eaten way more than that. plus, i feel incredibly ill when i gorge myself. so maybe two pieces of pizza is my ceiling. and if i can master this moderate amount, maybe i can eat it more often!
3. now that i mention is, moderation is the key to all success. with weight loss in mind, i am going to reduce my carb intake at breakfast and dinner. lunch is okay for the most part, i think. but i need to be more frugal with my carbs! i have not been feeling so great about my weight recently, so i am going to take a proactive stance instead of torturing myself about it.
4. 371, so what? i haven't had a blood sugar over 300 in a long time... i really cannot even remember the last time. so really i am not too upset. i actually ended up correcting it and going low, so it just goes to show that blood sugar is a very volatile thing.
5. posting that fortune cookie picture yesterday did not produce the desired effect. i am prone to jinxing myself, just like i did on vacation, when i started crowing about how great my blood sugars have been. maybe it's my catholic guilt, maybe it's superstition, whatever-- i'll rest better if i stop doing that #$%^.
that's a lot of learning. but i think it's all practical and useful, except maybe for #5. i guess the pizza served its purpose.
well done, pizza pie.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
backstreet's back.
i returned from a great vacation to florida last night! it was just wonderful to be with my family for five days, and i am feeling pretty perky and relaxed at work today, in spite of the crazy blizzard outside and the fact that no one listens to my advice here. but whatevs; people will make mistakes on their own, and hopefully learn from them... it's not up to me to make sure that everything is perfect.
the thought of perfection leads me to the topic of blood sugars. hmmm, i wonder why. actually, vacation treated me a lot better that i had predicted. i worked out pretty strenuously every morning. (or at least for the amount of sweat that i produced, it gave the impression to others that it was pretty strenuous, and really, that's all that matters, anyways.) and my blood sugars were really good from thursday evening all the way until monday around lunchtime. after that, things went a little bit south, but four days is a good amount of time to stay in good control while eating out for almost every meal and making lots of educated (and not so educated) guesses.
i tried not to let things get to me on monday and tuesday when my sugar was running really high. i just changed my bolus rate, and now i am using an insulin to carb ratio that gives me more insulin that what i usually do, but i am expecting to change back to what i was using once i am back into the routine of being home. it's annoying to have to experiment this way, because i am really afraid that i am going to skyrocket really high after lunch today at work, but what can i do?
some desserts of note that i ate included key lime pie two nights, and key lime baked alaska! it was all delicious. in fact i am starving just thinking about it. my guesses on carb content were totally out of left field, but i managed to do pretty well. hurray!
Thursday, February 8, 2007
this flight tonight.
tonight, i will embark on a five-day trip to miami and the keys... oh my goodness! on one hand, i'm excited to spend time vacationing with my family, which is not something we have done in years and years! on the other hand, i am kind of anxious to travel with diabetes. i tend to have high blood sugars on airplanes (from the one or two times i have been on an airplane with diabetes) and while traveling in general. and vacation last summer threw me for a huge loop-- my sugar was skyrocketing by the end of the ten days at the cottage!
but i guess all i can do is take things one day at a time. i cannot expect my body to behave flawlessly, especially when it's thrown into a totally new situation. and i don't think it's realistic to say that in order to stay healthy, i can't go away on vacation. that's no recipe for mental health, or physical health, for that matter. i am going to continue my daily workouts while i am away, and just try my best. i am not going to let this disease consume these five days in florida. i can't. i know that i could easily let it get me down if i am out of my routine and my numbers aren't good, but in the long run, five days of high sugars are truly forgettable. meanwhile, a vacation with my parents and sister could easily be a life-long memory.
things to remember:
1. breathe. take a deep breath and relax. don't try so hard to be perfect.
2. correct. if the numbers are too high or too low, do what's in my power to fix them.
3. forget it. once i've corrected, i've done all i can do. let it go.
4. indulge, but don't go insane. don't torture myself by eating/doing things that i know i am going to get upset about later. maybe two desserts in a day isn't a good idea, but figuring out what my body can reasonably handle and then acting on it would be fine.
5. enjoy the company. i never get to spend vacation time with just my family, so i will make it a priority to remember that and make the most of it.
6. relax. sleep in. eat dessert sometimes. don't force myself to work out if i don't want to. wear elastic waistbands. get a tan!
but i guess all i can do is take things one day at a time. i cannot expect my body to behave flawlessly, especially when it's thrown into a totally new situation. and i don't think it's realistic to say that in order to stay healthy, i can't go away on vacation. that's no recipe for mental health, or physical health, for that matter. i am going to continue my daily workouts while i am away, and just try my best. i am not going to let this disease consume these five days in florida. i can't. i know that i could easily let it get me down if i am out of my routine and my numbers aren't good, but in the long run, five days of high sugars are truly forgettable. meanwhile, a vacation with my parents and sister could easily be a life-long memory.
things to remember:
1. breathe. take a deep breath and relax. don't try so hard to be perfect.
2. correct. if the numbers are too high or too low, do what's in my power to fix them.
3. forget it. once i've corrected, i've done all i can do. let it go.
4. indulge, but don't go insane. don't torture myself by eating/doing things that i know i am going to get upset about later. maybe two desserts in a day isn't a good idea, but figuring out what my body can reasonably handle and then acting on it would be fine.
5. enjoy the company. i never get to spend vacation time with just my family, so i will make it a priority to remember that and make the most of it.
6. relax. sleep in. eat dessert sometimes. don't force myself to work out if i don't want to. wear elastic waistbands. get a tan!
Monday, February 5, 2007
shock. disbelief.
it's one thing when i have a high blood sugar because i indulge in some way, like if i eat dessert, or go out to dinner, or eat one of my favorite fatty foods like pizza or glazed doughnuts. i made the choice to eat the unhealthy food, and i know that if i do that, i usually pay the consequence of a high sugar. and i am getting better at saying that, in those situations, the highs are nothing to get upset about-- i can correct, and i made the choice to have fun, and tried my best to give myself the correct amount of insulin. despite my best efforts, the outcome isn't always great.
however, it is a completely different thing when i wake up on a monday morning, have a sensible breakfast of one cup of all-bran cereal and a whole wheat english muffin, and get to work with a blood sugar of 275. WTF? i counted the carbs, i was prudent with serving size, i even bolused a half hour before i ate! i have been to the gym every single day with one exception for the past week and a half. i tried to incorporate more fiber into my diet like the nutritionist said, and poof! my pancreas says no #$%^ing way.
there are so many annoying things about this situation. first of all, if i am going to have a reading of 275, i at least want to feel like the food that brought it on was worth it. and this food SUCKED! but even though i ate cereal that tasted like slightly sweet seaweed, my first reaction is still to chastise myself for "indulging"-- how dare i try and eat breakfast?!? when stuff like this happens, it makes me feel like i deserve less than the normal person does... like i shouldn't even "indulge" in eating anything in the morning, or ever, because my body isn't good enough to allow it. stupid, i know. but that's how i feel when stuff like this happens.
thankfully, it hasn't happened for a while. but whenever this does, i want to know about the cause so it doesn't have to happen again.
so here are the theories:
a. the #$%^ing all-bran cereal.
maybe i shouldn't have subtracted the fiber from the carb count. i've noticed that my body doesn't always like me when i do that. lately, i have been more conservative in terms of subtracting it. let's see: if the 3/4 cup serving of cereal had 5 grams of fiber that i subtracted and i had 1 cup, that could be almost 8 carbs that i am not accounting for. could that have shot a blood sugar through the roof? i don't think so, but maybe next time i choke down the seaweed, i won't minus the fiber.
b. the #$%^ing muffin.
i hate food companies who change their recipes. in the past year or so, kix has changed its serving size once, and thomas's english muffins has changed the carb content of their muffins twice! today was my first experience with the new whole wheat english muffin. instead of 23 g of carb, it was 25. and you know what? the old one was so much better-- it was more bread like and fluffy. this one was kind of like a water-logged hockey puck. maybe my body is just rebelling against it? maybe i will just take the easy way out and assume that the muffin is the culprit, so i don't have to eat the rest of the package? because seriously, those new muffins are disgustin'.
c. the #$%^ing gym.
okay, this is a little far-fetched, but i wonder if my workout at the gym yesterday was not strenuous enough to contribute to lowering my blood sugar today. i don't think that is possible, because i have had a lot less strenuous workouts than yesterday's. i don't think that this option is viable, but i will finish this paragraph so that i can at least rule out one possibility: i don't think it's the exercise.
d. the #$%^ing cold weather.
maybe the cold just caused my sugar to shoot through the roof? i don't believe this, because normally my sugars hold pretty steady even in strange situations. i am going with a no here.
e. a #$%^ing pump malfunction.
honestly, this would make the most sense, besides the explanation that my food just didn't agree with me. maybe there was a bubble in the tubing? maybe it didn't deliver the insulin? maybe my infusion site is ##$%ed up?
f. the #$^&ing honeymoon period.
since my diagnosis, health professionals have all delighted in telling me that i am in the honeymoon phase of diabetes, since i don't require a lot of insulin. but then with a chuckle, they always tell me that this won't last forever. so maybe i am done with the honeymoon? maybe all my settings are changing? maybe i will have sky high blood sugars while away on vacation? who the flip knows?
ugh. i know that most of these explanations sound insane. i just need to get them out so that i can ponder the options more clearly. hopefully the correction bolus will work. bleh!
however, it is a completely different thing when i wake up on a monday morning, have a sensible breakfast of one cup of all-bran cereal and a whole wheat english muffin, and get to work with a blood sugar of 275. WTF? i counted the carbs, i was prudent with serving size, i even bolused a half hour before i ate! i have been to the gym every single day with one exception for the past week and a half. i tried to incorporate more fiber into my diet like the nutritionist said, and poof! my pancreas says no #$%^ing way.
there are so many annoying things about this situation. first of all, if i am going to have a reading of 275, i at least want to feel like the food that brought it on was worth it. and this food SUCKED! but even though i ate cereal that tasted like slightly sweet seaweed, my first reaction is still to chastise myself for "indulging"-- how dare i try and eat breakfast?!? when stuff like this happens, it makes me feel like i deserve less than the normal person does... like i shouldn't even "indulge" in eating anything in the morning, or ever, because my body isn't good enough to allow it. stupid, i know. but that's how i feel when stuff like this happens.
thankfully, it hasn't happened for a while. but whenever this does, i want to know about the cause so it doesn't have to happen again.
so here are the theories:
a. the #$%^ing all-bran cereal.
maybe i shouldn't have subtracted the fiber from the carb count. i've noticed that my body doesn't always like me when i do that. lately, i have been more conservative in terms of subtracting it. let's see: if the 3/4 cup serving of cereal had 5 grams of fiber that i subtracted and i had 1 cup, that could be almost 8 carbs that i am not accounting for. could that have shot a blood sugar through the roof? i don't think so, but maybe next time i choke down the seaweed, i won't minus the fiber.
b. the #$%^ing muffin.
i hate food companies who change their recipes. in the past year or so, kix has changed its serving size once, and thomas's english muffins has changed the carb content of their muffins twice! today was my first experience with the new whole wheat english muffin. instead of 23 g of carb, it was 25. and you know what? the old one was so much better-- it was more bread like and fluffy. this one was kind of like a water-logged hockey puck. maybe my body is just rebelling against it? maybe i will just take the easy way out and assume that the muffin is the culprit, so i don't have to eat the rest of the package? because seriously, those new muffins are disgustin'.
c. the #$%^ing gym.
okay, this is a little far-fetched, but i wonder if my workout at the gym yesterday was not strenuous enough to contribute to lowering my blood sugar today. i don't think that is possible, because i have had a lot less strenuous workouts than yesterday's. i don't think that this option is viable, but i will finish this paragraph so that i can at least rule out one possibility: i don't think it's the exercise.
d. the #$%^ing cold weather.
maybe the cold just caused my sugar to shoot through the roof? i don't believe this, because normally my sugars hold pretty steady even in strange situations. i am going with a no here.
e. a #$%^ing pump malfunction.
honestly, this would make the most sense, besides the explanation that my food just didn't agree with me. maybe there was a bubble in the tubing? maybe it didn't deliver the insulin? maybe my infusion site is ##$%ed up?
f. the #$^&ing honeymoon period.
since my diagnosis, health professionals have all delighted in telling me that i am in the honeymoon phase of diabetes, since i don't require a lot of insulin. but then with a chuckle, they always tell me that this won't last forever. so maybe i am done with the honeymoon? maybe all my settings are changing? maybe i will have sky high blood sugars while away on vacation? who the flip knows?
ugh. i know that most of these explanations sound insane. i just need to get them out so that i can ponder the options more clearly. hopefully the correction bolus will work. bleh!
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