shock. disbelief.

it's one thing when i have a high blood sugar because i indulge in some way, like if i eat dessert, or go out to dinner, or eat one of my favorite fatty foods like pizza or glazed doughnuts. i made the choice to eat the unhealthy food, and i know that if i do that, i usually pay the consequence of a high sugar. and i am getting better at saying that, in those situations, the highs are nothing to get upset about-- i can correct, and i made the choice to have fun, and tried my best to give myself the correct amount of insulin. despite my best efforts, the outcome isn't always great.
however, it is a completely different thing when i wake up on a monday morning, have a sensible breakfast of one cup of all-bran cereal and a whole wheat english muffin, and get to work with a blood sugar of 275. WTF? i counted the carbs, i was prudent with serving size, i even bolused a half hour before i ate! i have been to the gym every single day with one exception for the past week and a half. i tried to incorporate more fiber into my diet like the nutritionist said, and poof! my pancreas says no #$%^ing way.
there are so many annoying things about this situation. first of all, if i am going to have a reading of 275, i at least want to feel like the food that brought it on was worth it. and this food SUCKED! but even though i ate cereal that tasted like slightly sweet seaweed, my first reaction is still to chastise myself for "indulging"-- how dare i try and eat breakfast?!? when stuff like this happens, it makes me feel like i deserve less than the normal person does... like i shouldn't even "indulge" in eating anything in the morning, or ever, because my body isn't good enough to allow it. stupid, i know. but that's how i feel when stuff like this happens.
thankfully, it hasn't happened for a while. but whenever this does, i want to know about the cause so it doesn't have to happen again.
so here are the theories:
a. the #$%^ing all-bran cereal.
maybe i shouldn't have subtracted the fiber from the carb count. i've noticed that my body doesn't always like me when i do that. lately, i have been more conservative in terms of subtracting it. let's see: if the 3/4 cup serving of cereal had 5 grams of fiber that i subtracted and i had 1 cup, that could be almost 8 carbs that i am not accounting for. could that have shot a blood sugar through the roof? i don't think so, but maybe next time i choke down the seaweed, i won't minus the fiber.
b. the #$%^ing muffin.
i hate food companies who change their recipes. in the past year or so, kix has changed its serving size once, and thomas's english muffins has changed the carb content of their muffins twice! today was my first experience with the new whole wheat english muffin. instead of 23 g of carb, it was 25. and you know what? the old one was so much better-- it was more bread like and fluffy. this one was kind of like a water-logged hockey puck. maybe my body is just rebelling against it? maybe i will just take the easy way out and assume that the muffin is the culprit, so i don't have to eat the rest of the package? because seriously, those new muffins are disgustin'.
c. the #$%^ing gym.
okay, this is a little far-fetched, but i wonder if my workout at the gym yesterday was not strenuous enough to contribute to lowering my blood sugar today. i don't think that is possible, because i have had a lot less strenuous workouts than yesterday's. i don't think that this option is viable, but i will finish this paragraph so that i can at least rule out one possibility: i don't think it's the exercise.
d. the #$%^ing cold weather.
maybe the cold just caused my sugar to shoot through the roof? i don't believe this, because normally my sugars hold pretty steady even in strange situations. i am going with a no here.
e. a #$%^ing pump malfunction.
honestly, this would make the most sense, besides the explanation that my food just didn't agree with me. maybe there was a bubble in the tubing? maybe it didn't deliver the insulin? maybe my infusion site is ##$%ed up?
f. the #$^&ing honeymoon period.
since my diagnosis, health professionals have all delighted in telling me that i am in the honeymoon phase of diabetes, since i don't require a lot of insulin. but then with a chuckle, they always tell me that this won't last forever. so maybe i am done with the honeymoon? maybe all my settings are changing? maybe i will have sky high blood sugars while away on vacation? who the flip knows?
ugh. i know that most of these explanations sound insane. i just need to get them out so that i can ponder the options more clearly. hopefully the correction bolus will work. bleh!