this article on cnn made me think. over the many months that i have battled with diabetes, i've been struck with how much the concerns that i have about food parallel the concerns of someone who struggles with an eating disorder. the amount of thought that diabetics have to put into a meal can seem excessive to others without the disease. (the closest i come to exploding is when people look at me while i am trying to figure out the amount of carbs in a meal and say stupid stuff like, "oh my god, do you REALLY need to do all that math?", as if this is somehow a choice-- AGH! it makes me want to punch them in the nose.) @#$%, it seems excessive to me at times. what i wouldn't give to eat just one meal without the considerations of portion size, carbohydrates, fat, insulin dose, pump delivery, highs, and lows.
when i was first diagnosed, nurses would hound me by saying things like, "well, you've got to watch your weight gain! insulin makes you put on weight!" take that and add it to the amount that we diabetics have to fixate on food, and things can get dangerous. which is why the idea of diabulima actually makes a lot of sense to me... no, this is NOT a cry for help. i'm just thinking that with all the pressure that diabetics deal with regarding food, exercise, and weight, this kind of thing happens more than we'd like to think.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
okay, okay, okay.
so my loyal boyfriend and reader eric has recommended that i make my blog a little more personal. up until now, it's really been just a ranting space for all that diabetes stress that jangles around in my head. but due to the fact that i now have an expanding readership (i think more than two people might read this site now!), i am going to take his advice. so there, eric. i listened to you for once.
i thought that a fun way to do this might be to answer some random questions. here we go:
“2 Truths And a Lie” – Share 3 unique things about yourself and your life, 2 of them true, 1 false, and let the group guess which one isn’t true.
i once became so obsessed with the salt n' pepa song "shoop" that i listened to it repeatedly until i had all of the lyrics memorized.
i can whistle the theme song to "the golden girls."
i am a die-hard red sox fan. i usually spend a significant amount of my tax return on tickets.
i thought that a fun way to do this might be to answer some random questions. here we go:
“2 Truths And a Lie” – Share 3 unique things about yourself and your life, 2 of them true, 1 false, and let the group guess which one isn’t true.
i once became so obsessed with the salt n' pepa song "shoop" that i listened to it repeatedly until i had all of the lyrics memorized.
i can whistle the theme song to "the golden girls."
i am a die-hard red sox fan. i usually spend a significant amount of my tax return on tickets.
What super-power would you most like to have, and why?
officemate erin (because of course i am doing this at work) is a comic book afficianado, so i have consulted her. she says that the classic superpowers include: flight, invisibility, super strength, super speed, and of course, laser eyes. none of these appeal to me as much as super speed does. imagine the plays i could run in flag football! and the range that i could have in the outfield! or the fact that i would have been safe at home on monday night, instead of being called out to end the softball game.
If you knew could you try anything and not fail (and money was no object), what dream would you attempt?
no doubt, i would want to be a competitive snowboarder.
Complete the statement “I recommend…” (it can be a show, movie, book, restaurant, website, activity, etc.)
because i have had journey's "don't stop believin'" stuck in my head all week, i recommend watching the sopranos if you never have. or even if you have already. start at season one, episode one, and work your way through the best series ever. it's television crack.
If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?
i'm poring over exotic locales, but really keep coming back to my favorite place that is not too far away from here-- martha's vineyard. and honestly, i wouldn't really care too much about that... i would just want to be somewhere where all my friends and family and ice cream were within walking distance.
What cartoon character best describes you?
the gingerbread man from shrek.
What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?
in college, my friends and i kidnapped a friend's guinea pig while she was away for the weekend and then took him on an adventure through the town of gettysburg. we chronicled the event with photos of renton the guinea pig posed in various locations. we then returned the traumatized pig to his cage and sent pics of the trip to her one by one through campus mail. the best one was of poor renton cradled in the arms of a very serious member of general lee's confederate army.
Are you always early or terminally late?
years of lateness have made me into a chronically and obsessively early person. it's so much easier.
What is your favorite book that you read as a child?
harriet the spy
What is your best memory?
this one is recent. last weekend, i went home to upstate ny for my parents' 30th anniversary. my younger sister and i planned a bunch of activities to celebrate the occasion, including a kayak trip through the park and a dinner out. after the night was over, my dad said that it was one of the best days of his life. because dad doesn't really ever say anything like this, it meant a lot.
officemate erin (because of course i am doing this at work) is a comic book afficianado, so i have consulted her. she says that the classic superpowers include: flight, invisibility, super strength, super speed, and of course, laser eyes. none of these appeal to me as much as super speed does. imagine the plays i could run in flag football! and the range that i could have in the outfield! or the fact that i would have been safe at home on monday night, instead of being called out to end the softball game.
If you knew could you try anything and not fail (and money was no object), what dream would you attempt?
no doubt, i would want to be a competitive snowboarder.
Complete the statement “I recommend…” (it can be a show, movie, book, restaurant, website, activity, etc.)
because i have had journey's "don't stop believin'" stuck in my head all week, i recommend watching the sopranos if you never have. or even if you have already. start at season one, episode one, and work your way through the best series ever. it's television crack.
If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?
i'm poring over exotic locales, but really keep coming back to my favorite place that is not too far away from here-- martha's vineyard. and honestly, i wouldn't really care too much about that... i would just want to be somewhere where all my friends and family and ice cream were within walking distance.
What cartoon character best describes you?
the gingerbread man from shrek.
What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?
in college, my friends and i kidnapped a friend's guinea pig while she was away for the weekend and then took him on an adventure through the town of gettysburg. we chronicled the event with photos of renton the guinea pig posed in various locations. we then returned the traumatized pig to his cage and sent pics of the trip to her one by one through campus mail. the best one was of poor renton cradled in the arms of a very serious member of general lee's confederate army.
Are you always early or terminally late?
years of lateness have made me into a chronically and obsessively early person. it's so much easier.
What is your favorite book that you read as a child?
harriet the spy
What is your best memory?
this one is recent. last weekend, i went home to upstate ny for my parents' 30th anniversary. my younger sister and i planned a bunch of activities to celebrate the occasion, including a kayak trip through the park and a dinner out. after the night was over, my dad said that it was one of the best days of his life. because dad doesn't really ever say anything like this, it meant a lot.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
ready to run
finally! my foot has been injured for months, i think since mid-march. i am now confident in saying that although it's still not 100%, it's finally good enough to withstand the pressure of jogging. woot! i am so sick of the elliptical, i'm about ready to scream, much like the screaming men on espn who i watch every day while slogging through my workout. yesterday, i went on a 4.1 mile jog, and although i am totally out of shape on the running front, i was able to make it through with no foot issues. i really am tempted to go again today, but i think that two days in a row would not be a wise thing to put my toe digits through. maybe i'll hit up the gym today and then hit the pavement tomorrow.
i am happy to feel motivated. this should prolly last me at least three days.
i am happy to feel motivated. this should prolly last me at least three days.
Monday, May 14, 2007
a morning in the life of this diabetic
5:50am
after the alarm beeps for the third time since 5:21, i become conscious enough to turn it off. i stumble out of bed, absently grabbing my meter and fat little notebook. in the kitchen, i turn on the light and check my sugar. i grimace or inwardly cheer, depending on the number that pops up on my freestyle flash meter.* before i forget my number, i open my little blood-dotted notebook for the first time, write the date on an empty page and make my first notation, which looks something like this:
121/.45
that means that my blood sugar was 121 upon waking and i have a .45 basal rate on my pump at this point in time. 121 is not a bad morning sugar for me. lately, i've actually been close to 100 a fair amount of the time, which is great. but of course, i still have my fair share of days when i wake up over 150 or 200. those days annoy the #$%^ out of me. but they happen.
6:14am
after my shower, it's time to bolus for breakfast! i think breakfast is my favorite meal... so many options. sweet? salty? toast? cereal? oatmeal? eggbeaters? yogurt? i love breakfast! a while ago, my pump nurse told me to try bolusing a half hour before i ate breakfast, because i was getting some nasty post-breakfast highs. so i am kind of stuck in this routine. i prick my finger again (my sugar changes completely in the 20 minutes between waking up and showering) and do my bolus. then i write in my little notebook:
111/.45/38/1.9
which is a code that probably only makes sense to me. the last two numbers detail the number of carbs that i am eating and the insulin dosage that's been delivered.
6:42am
it's time to eat! in the time lag between my bolus and breakfast feast, i ususally iron my clothes, style my luxurious locks of hair, pack my lunch, and make the bed. i am the model of efficiency, although i move at a snail's pace.
these days, my favorite breakfast is 3/4 cup of plain lowfat yogurt with 1 cup of strawberries and a piece of toast with reduced sugar strawberry jam. and a cup of coffee larger than my head. i always take the time for a restful breakfast in the morning. i would eat after i get to work, except i have suffered several low blood sugars after trekking to work with no food in my stomach. and so i eat my breakfast while playing on eric's laptop and managing my fantasy baseball teams to more stunning and trophy-filled seasons.
8:01am
arrive at work. meh, i really want coffee, but want to wait until at least two hours after bfast, so i can make sure my insulin did its job. so i wait. and wait.
8:42am
check my sugar. can i have coffee? most times, the answer is yes. sometimes, i have a pesky low when i get to have some gummi lifesavers along with my caffeine, which always exhausts me first thing in the am. sometimes, my blood sugar clocks in at over 200 for no apparent reason. on those days, i stick with plain tea, no milk, because i don't even want to think about more carbs in my body. but like i said, most days, i can handle a little extra coffee my system.
on those days, i write the following crypic notes in my little book:
131/.3/7/.3u
which basically notes my sugar level, basal rate, number of carbs, and insulin dose. what fun!
stay tuned for...
more episodes in this stunning serial. next up: an afternoon in the life of this diabetic. fun activities include lunch, coke zero (my savior), a trip to the gym, and riding the blood sugar rollercoaster.
* i hate my meter. i hate it. i have never hated a meter before, but this one constantly says that it's out of batteries, plus it takes longer to process a high blood sugar than a normal one. so i know that when i takes several seconds to spit out a result, i am in for some disappointing news. i often envision destroying the freestyle in some way, but don't, because i have way too many strips in my possession to behave so aggressively.
after the alarm beeps for the third time since 5:21, i become conscious enough to turn it off. i stumble out of bed, absently grabbing my meter and fat little notebook. in the kitchen, i turn on the light and check my sugar. i grimace or inwardly cheer, depending on the number that pops up on my freestyle flash meter.* before i forget my number, i open my little blood-dotted notebook for the first time, write the date on an empty page and make my first notation, which looks something like this:
121/.45
that means that my blood sugar was 121 upon waking and i have a .45 basal rate on my pump at this point in time. 121 is not a bad morning sugar for me. lately, i've actually been close to 100 a fair amount of the time, which is great. but of course, i still have my fair share of days when i wake up over 150 or 200. those days annoy the #$%^ out of me. but they happen.
6:14am
after my shower, it's time to bolus for breakfast! i think breakfast is my favorite meal... so many options. sweet? salty? toast? cereal? oatmeal? eggbeaters? yogurt? i love breakfast! a while ago, my pump nurse told me to try bolusing a half hour before i ate breakfast, because i was getting some nasty post-breakfast highs. so i am kind of stuck in this routine. i prick my finger again (my sugar changes completely in the 20 minutes between waking up and showering) and do my bolus. then i write in my little notebook:
111/.45/38/1.9
which is a code that probably only makes sense to me. the last two numbers detail the number of carbs that i am eating and the insulin dosage that's been delivered.
6:42am
it's time to eat! in the time lag between my bolus and breakfast feast, i ususally iron my clothes, style my luxurious locks of hair, pack my lunch, and make the bed. i am the model of efficiency, although i move at a snail's pace.
these days, my favorite breakfast is 3/4 cup of plain lowfat yogurt with 1 cup of strawberries and a piece of toast with reduced sugar strawberry jam. and a cup of coffee larger than my head. i always take the time for a restful breakfast in the morning. i would eat after i get to work, except i have suffered several low blood sugars after trekking to work with no food in my stomach. and so i eat my breakfast while playing on eric's laptop and managing my fantasy baseball teams to more stunning and trophy-filled seasons.
8:01am
arrive at work. meh, i really want coffee, but want to wait until at least two hours after bfast, so i can make sure my insulin did its job. so i wait. and wait.
8:42am
check my sugar. can i have coffee? most times, the answer is yes. sometimes, i have a pesky low when i get to have some gummi lifesavers along with my caffeine, which always exhausts me first thing in the am. sometimes, my blood sugar clocks in at over 200 for no apparent reason. on those days, i stick with plain tea, no milk, because i don't even want to think about more carbs in my body. but like i said, most days, i can handle a little extra coffee my system.
on those days, i write the following crypic notes in my little book:
131/.3/7/.3u
which basically notes my sugar level, basal rate, number of carbs, and insulin dose. what fun!
stay tuned for...
more episodes in this stunning serial. next up: an afternoon in the life of this diabetic. fun activities include lunch, coke zero (my savior), a trip to the gym, and riding the blood sugar rollercoaster.
* i hate my meter. i hate it. i have never hated a meter before, but this one constantly says that it's out of batteries, plus it takes longer to process a high blood sugar than a normal one. so i know that when i takes several seconds to spit out a result, i am in for some disappointing news. i often envision destroying the freestyle in some way, but don't, because i have way too many strips in my possession to behave so aggressively.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
one sad pup.
after a day and a half of experimenting, i have come to a conclusion: my body hates me.just kidding. i tend toward melodrama. my body doesn't really hate me, it has merely decided that it needs more insulin than it ever has before. i tried switching insulin vials the day before yesterday, but one full day of blood sugar readings have convinced me that ineffective insulin was not the problem. boooo! deep down, i knew that would have been too easy of an answer.
i am coming up on my second diabetes birthday this september, so it stands to reason that my body is beginning to produce less and less insulin. why it happened so suddenly, i am not sure. the theory that i am pontificating on to the interested masses (ie. anyone who is stupid enough to ask me how i am feeling) is that maybe the stress of last week somehow pushed my body into this insulin-producing tailspin. translation: somehow, all of the anxiety and stress somehow caused my body to start producing less insulin.
crazy? probably. but one of the many things that i have learned in my diabetes education is that every explanation can be credible, because the hard facts are impossible to isolate. and also, it really doesn't matter in the long run WHY i need more insulin all of the sudden. the fact is that i do need it, and therefore, need to figure out how much more of it i need. figuring out the WHY only helps my peace of mind. and to be honest, i am not feeling so peaceful right now.
i was in a good pattern there for a while. but sometimes i feel like diabetes is that bully lurking around the corner who punches me in the nose every now and then, just to remind me that i shouldn't get too comfortable.
what i wouldn't give to be able to throw a gigantic MOIST spitball at its head in retaliation.
Monday, May 7, 2007
confused. and majorly frustrated.
since last week, my blood sugar has been skyrocketing. i first noticed some unsettlingly high readings last tuesday, i think, with a post-bfast reading in the 200s, which is not close to what i normally am after breakfast. as the week went on, it got worse, and now i have increased my insulin dose from 1:20 (a ratio that i have been using for several months) to 1:15, and even that is just barely covering my needs.
i am a little upset about all of this. and confused. has my body gone haywire? is my honeymoon period over? or is it because last week was so stressful b/c of work and play that my routine got completely #$%^ed up, thus causing all of this craziness? will some intense workouts at the gym get me back under control?
i emailed my doctor to get his thoughts, and he suggested that i change vials of insulin to make sure it's not just an ineffective vial. that would be the best answer ever. but if that's not the case, i guess i'm just going to have to deal. it's really weird to increase my insulin intake by that much, but this is a weird disease.
meh!
i am a little upset about all of this. and confused. has my body gone haywire? is my honeymoon period over? or is it because last week was so stressful b/c of work and play that my routine got completely #$%^ed up, thus causing all of this craziness? will some intense workouts at the gym get me back under control?
i emailed my doctor to get his thoughts, and he suggested that i change vials of insulin to make sure it's not just an ineffective vial. that would be the best answer ever. but if that's not the case, i guess i'm just going to have to deal. it's really weird to increase my insulin intake by that much, but this is a weird disease.
meh!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
get out of my head
i try to keep current on the other diabetes related blogs out there. it helps to see that other people are going through similar situations, plus i like the advice and tips that they offer on low-carb snacks. while reading certain posts, it's easy for me to start talking to myself and nodding overenthusiastically in agreement.
today's post on six until me is a perfect example:
http://sixuntilme.com/blog1/2007/05/diabetes_burnout.html
this is my life as a diabetic. i could not have said it better myself.
today's post on six until me is a perfect example:
http://sixuntilme.com/blog1/2007/05/diabetes_burnout.html
this is my life as a diabetic. i could not have said it better myself.
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