the resolution

my new years resolution is to start a diabetes blog. i have been struggling with this disease for one and a half years now, and it's been enough to drive me insane at times. lately, i've been doing some detective work on the internet and have uncovered the diabetes webring, and it seems interesting. so here i go.
writing has been my strength, but i have avoided the whole blog thing because i am an oversensitive perfectionist. i don't want to publish anything unless it's witty and creative and basically 110% kick@$$. so i am going to keep this blog hush hush for now. i think it'll just help me express my feelings about living my life with diabetes. sometimes i feel like i'm one of those hamsters running on a wheel. this disease is just a never ending cycle, and i don't feel like i am really getting anywhere with it. it's constant-- the exercise, the counting and monitoring, the fear, the stress, the guilt.
yesterday i got my second a1c back since i've been on the pump. big improvement: in august 2006, i had an a1c of 7.2. not my ideal number, but i had just switched to the pump and was dealing with a real rollercoaster of blood sugars at the time. my goal this time was to have something under 7.0, and i achieved it. my new a1c is 6.7, which corresponds to an average blood sugar of 159. i don't know. i'm happy about it, but at the same time, does the work ever stop? i am never going to be able to relax and enjoy the good progress that i made. instead it's just more stress: will i be able to keep this number? will i be able to reduce it further? how will i feel if it goes up? is this the best i'm ever going to do? 159 is basically 160, and honestly, i am not all that thrilled with a blood sugar of 160. that's kind of high. not really high, but it's no 120 or 110, which is the number that i am always striving for when i give myself insulin. is that just an impossibility?
i want to be perfect, and i know that i can't, but at the same time, i don't know how to let up.